What made you stop being an addict?

Was quitting worth the effort? At least for my mental health, it's a billion times worth it.

A couple of months later I started hating it and regretting after every session. Yet, I couldn't stop.

Oh, and everyday I woke up tired 😫 I never slept early too. My mental health was nothing to write home about.

If our normal body temperature is 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit, why do we perceive weather in the 90s as "hot?"

But for me, I would say RUN away from it

I made sure I downloaded every video that was nice for me. This took almost the whole day.

The harder I tried, the worse it became. I could get angry with myself and go about 3 days without it but when I relapse, I can do 3 in a day. And the subsequent days; it's just me getting drowned in the rabbit hole.

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There were times I could go 3 months without watching p*rn or masturbating but somehow I always came back to it.

Is masturbation and p*rn bad?

I just finished watching the best of the best p*rn videos on the planet. Now there's nothing else to look for on p*rn sites again.

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RUN 🏃‍♂️ for your dear life

All I knew was that, I couldn't masturbate without p*rn. I was first getting the urge to watch p*rn, while watching, I would now feel like masturbating.

I didn't even start counting the days because I didn't really believe I would get this far.

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I always wished they would sit inappropriately or the wind would blow up their dress so I can see things.

I saw every girl or woman as a sex object including kid girls. There was no way I would look at a woman and not think of f*cking her.

I did it in my administrator's office.

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Am I totally free? I don't know 😕

I went there early in the morning trying to watch a movie and I found the CD inside the video player so I decided to watch what was on it and that was the beginning of the life I never wanted.

Now I have the mental fortitude to face life's every day battles.

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I remember sitting on the bed and smiling and that was when it hit me that I have successfully masturbated.

Just keep trying

But how was I going to do it when everything I knew wasn't working? I didn't know

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Now how do you quit your addiction?

I so badly wanted to f*uk a girl, yet I was so shy of girls. I never wanted to meet anyone. I always wanted to hide behind the phone and text.

I don't know if all addictions are like this 🤔

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Now I know I have all the nice videos on my phone, the rest I don't have, are not nice. So I had to start watching them one after the other. Some of them were even 2 hours long but I made sure I watched every little bit of it.

So all I had to do was to find a way to trick my dirty brain to think that p*rn isn't nice.

I secretly kept on watching and watching until I got 19. At this time, I had started feeling the urge to ejaculate as I was watching the pornography.

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It didn't feel great after ejaculating but hey, who cares about feelings?

And I DID IT EVERYDAY

And these were just the act and not the mental and social problems associated with addiction.

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Around age 9 I discovered pornography through my uncle, he had left the CD in the video player in the night after enjoying himself.

I started rubbing it and I liked how I was feeling so I kept on doing it faster and EUREKA, sperms came out of my dick.

This was February 2019.

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Read that again ☝️

I went on my favourite site and started scrolling through my favourite categories; petite girls, sleeping girls, Japanese girls, Japanese mom, Japanese wife, massage, forced, in the bus, gangb*ng, Muslim girls, ebony, student and teacher, in the classroom, curvy, African, etc

I did it in my room. I did it in my washroom. I did it in school in the washrooms.

What made you feel satisfied about your life today?

I knew something had to be done about my wasting existence because if nothing changes, then nothing changes.

Remember, if nothing changes, nothing changes.

I remember I once did it in my classroom at dawn. I did it in the hospital's washrooms. I did it in the lab where I work; both daytime and midnight.

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So I'm still hanging on this lie.

No self esteem. No confidence. No ambition. Just dreams.

It took me days to finish watching them. Finally I decided to go to the washroom to do The Last Fap.

Thinking from a spiritual perspective, can we say that the journey in recovering from narcissistic abuse a battle of spiritual warfare? Any thoughts on this?

I knew about masturbation but I didn't actually think of doing it but one day, on my bed when I was preparing to go to school I was watching pornography and something just came in mind; why don't you rob your dick with your hand?

I know some people masturbate and they don't have the problems I went through.

There were times I was counting the days when I'm clean. But now I don't, because I got tired of counting and relapsing and starting all over again.

What is the most peculiar thing about the human brain?

I got tired of always breaking the promises I made to myself.

Do I wake up everyday with lots of energy? No but that's because I have a health problem, which is a story for another day.

I did it while watching my sister. I did it while touching my sister 😭 I did it while watching my landlord's daughter.

And I can also talk to them now.

Have I stopped seeing girls as sex objects? Not entirely, I still want to f*ck some of them.

Now I don't wait to be talked to before I respond. I talk when I think I'm supposed to.

So I thought had unlocked a new potential in life. I was doing it even if I don't feel the urge. I forced the urge to come by watching pornography.